Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Todd Akin didn't "misspeak"

Anyone who's been paying attention the last couple days has by now heard senatorial candidate Rep. Todd Akin's (R-Mo.) remarks on local TV about how an abortion ban shouldn't have an exception for victims of rape or incest, because in cases of "legitimate rape", "the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down." (Is there any better summary of the patriarchal right's simultaneous fascination with and contempt for women's bodies than describing conception as "that whole thing"?) Since then, Akin, who was eight points ahead of his incumbent opponent Sen. Claire McCaskill the day of the interview, has been receiving a well-deserved, bipartisan excoriation. His critics on the right have included Mitt Romney, Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown (although one wonders if he would have bothered if he weren't facing a popular opponent in a blue state) and National Review hack Ramesh Ponnuru, and the Republican National Senatorial Committee has pulled their support from his race. Even Sean Hannity, who has whined that covering Viagra is totally different from covering contraception because erectile dysfunction is "a medical problem", tried to get Akin to withdraw* from the race. Akin still has his defenders, of course; they include red-faced blowhard Erick Erickson, who thinks what Akin said is totally okay because NOBAMA kills babies and Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association, who assures us that, in the words of Ron Burgundy, "it's science" (Fischer, it should be noted, also does not believe that HIV causes AIDS).

Inexplicably, Akin doesn't seem to find the support of such towering intellects heartening; he's been doing frantic damage control, insisting that he "misspoke" and cutting an ad in which he simultaneously apologizes and vows to stay in the race. In the ad, Akin insists that "the mistake I made was in the words I said, not in the heart I hold." Well, golly, Todd Akin, that seems legit; if only you had some manner of record in Congress to draw on, so that we could determine whether or not this kind of thing is, in fact, in the "heart you hold".

Oh, whoa, check it out, guys: turns out he does! I KNOW, right? So apparently, Akin and some guy named Paul Ryan co-sponsored the "Sanctity of Human Life Act of 2009", which would give fertilized eggs the same rights as non-gummi people, presumably even if they were the product of "legitimate rape". Weird. Oh, and Akin and Ryan, the Mulder and Scully of protecting you from your own whore-slit, were also behind the 2011 "“No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act". If you missed this dandy, it took the existing prohibition on federal funding of abortion except in cases of rape and incest and narrowed it to "forcible rape". And he proudly touts the endorsement of America's mean, judgy grandmother Phyllis Schlafly, who does not believe it's possible for a man to rape his wife. I know what you're thinking: "Hey, wow, it's starting to sound like maybe Akin implying that there are less heinous forms of rape is, in fact, a well-established part of his ideology rather than a momentary poor choice of words!" The reason you think that is because you kill babies and are probably a lesbian.

(Akin has since clarified that by "legitimate rape" he meant- you guessed it- "forcible rape". Tough shit, Amanda Palmer.)

In the first poll taken since Akin's meltdown, his eight-point lead over McCaskill, widely considered to have been the most vulnerable Democrat in the Senate, has dwindled to a single-point lead. It remains to be seen if his slide will continue, but either way, the cat's out of the bag. Akin said something he didn't mean to say, all right, but it's not that he didn't believe it, it's that he's just too insulated (and let's face it, kind of stupid- I mean, what else can you call a guy who thinks rape makes women excrete spermicide?) to realize that he believes a lot of stuff that non-crazy people find horrifying.

*giggity

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Race, Sex and the Olympics


No matter how much we protest that we just want to be entertained, the Olympics have always been political. Sometimes national and international affairs violently shove their way into the Games themselves, as in 1972 or 1996; sometimes, the actual events serve as proxies for international tensions, as in 1936 or 1980. This year, however, is unique because we've reached such a saturation point, in terms of both mainstream and independent media coverage, that more individual stories can come to the forefront in less time than ever before. And a couple of the stories, and the focus thereof, are revealing just how fucked-up our priorities still are.

Gymnast Gabby Douglas is obviously one of the conquering heroes of these particular Olympics; Douglas is both the first black woman to become the individual all-around champion and the first American to win the gold in both team and individual all-around competitions. And because we are stupid, we have decided that all of that is irrelevant because Ms. Douglas is black and has natural hair, and OHMIGOD IS IT GOING TO KILL US ALL WHERE IS THE CHANGE YOU PROMISED, NOBAMA?!

No, come back, this is seriously a thing in the 21st century. See, first, people on social media (because everyone is using some form of social media now, and morons are a necessary subset of "everyone") started going after Douglas for how she wears her hair. So, you know, the next time somebody insists there's no such thing as white privilege because they don't get their own history month, ask them this: "How many times, white dude, has someone taken issue with your hairstyle because it doesn't do a sufficient job of disguising the fact that you're white? And remember that you're just an average guy; imagine you are the first person to do two different things, and people are still debating whether or not your hair is okay". (You do not have to say this to that person if you don't want to, because this person is probably pretty awful and I totally understand if you don't want to keep talking to them.)

Douglas has taken the barbs like, if you'll excuse the simile, a champ, saying ""I'm going to wear my hair like this during [finals]. You might as well just stop talking about it." Her response is badass, succinct, and taking the high road all in two sentences, but that doesn't make it any less disturbing that the existence of a black woman's hair is a controversy that must be addressed in 2012.

But wait! There's more! In fact, Douglas has found herself as a lightning rod all sorts of stupid shit; recently, on Fox News ("Oh, Jesus" you think; you are right to think that), radio host David Webb noted that he haz a big sad because Douglas' leotard wasn't flag-patterned.  No, seriously, stop laughing; he actually lamented that we had "lost... that jingoistic feeling", either because he doesn't understand what "jingoistic" means or because he knows exactly what it means. In the future, if I ever have kids, when they ask me the difference between patriotism and nationalism (I am assuming my kids will be nerds), I'll respond, "Well, kids, patriotism is being proud that a woman who's representing you in front of the whole world made your country look good; nationalism is being pissed off that she didn't do it in clothes made out of a flag."


"Okay, so, racism," you say. "But what about sexism, which is tolerated and accepted in public in even higher levels than racism?" You don't miss a trick! Meanwhile, over in the world of weightlifting, Conan O'Brien, who is rumored to be funny much the same way eating Pop Rocks and drinking Coke is rumored to make you explode, tweeted “I predict 350 lb. weight lifter Holley Mangold will bring home the gold and 4 guys against their will.” Ha ha! Get it? It's funny because you have a tiny penis! Meanwhile, in response to her own experiences with sexism, Britain's Zoe Smith posted on her blog:

[We] don’t lift weights in order to look hot, especially for the likes of men like that. What makes them think that we even WANT them to find us attractive? If you do, thanks very much, we’re flattered. But if you don’t, why do you really need to voice this opinion in the first place, and what makes you think we actually give a toss that you, personally, do not find us attractive?
This is perfectly stated, and it really brings to light the more disturbing implications of body-snarking on people like athletes: when you criticize someone like Holley Mangold simply for not making you want to fuck her, you're saying that  you believe that, as a woman, that's her only purpose, even though she's one of the best people in the country at what she does.

I've heard Adele express similar sentiments to Jones' in response to fat-shaming, asking, in so many words, what her physical appearance had to do with the quality of her music; it just seems to have even more of a triumphant take that-ness coming from a woman who could snap me across her knee, Bane-style. (I think Adele could probably kick my ass too, I just doubt that she'd do it in so drastic a fashion. I should note that I've been wrong before.)

 This is what we mean when we talk about the white supremacist patriarchy; it's not just that sexism and racism find their way into our national and international politics, it's the fact that they find their way into completely unrelated things; it's the idea that your worth is determined by your physical appearance, even as you're doing something better than any of us could. It's the desperate, hateful Othering of the people we're ostensibly chanting "USA!" for. At the rate we're going, if we really want a team that can fully represent us in 2016, maybe we should lobby for Douchebaggery to be made an official event.